if you've read this post, you understand my feelings about winged, stinger-bearing insects such as bees, wasps, etc. (if you haven't read it, suffice it to say that i hate them. a lot. to put not too fine a point on it, they scare the hell out of me). this being the case, if one of those unfortunate creatures does somehow make it into our house i always respond by reminding my husband of the house rule: "he who has the cajones kills the bugs". this rule is steadfast and immutable- regardless of who discovers the bug (usually me) or what he's doing when said bug makes its presence known. at least, so far as i'm concerned. he doesn't usually protest (except that one time when i woke him up at midnight to kill a very threatening cockroach), and when he does i simply remind him that i shall have plenty of opportunity to seek and destroy bugs on my own while he's gone on various naval duties, so he should have to take over the entire bug detail while he is here (although i did, in fact, end up killing that particular cockroach myself).

well, as you probably are all aware, we are currently apart (but only until later this week!! ), which means bugs are currently my department.

just my luck, then, that when i was taking out the trash earlier this evening a wasp (who must have recognized that the regular exterminator was nowhere to be seen) zoomed into the house and did what all flying bugs do as soon as they enter a dwelling- start looking for a way out, buzzing at all the doors, windows, and light fixtures until they find a crack big enough to escape through (which seems to me to make it pretty redundant to enter a building to begin with, but i digress). at first, i denied to myself that it was a wasp (or yellowjacket, or whatever it was. to be honest i wasn't overly concerned as to what precise species or family or whatever it belonged to). i told myself it was probably just a big mosquito. and then it held still long enough for me to get a fairly good look at it (from across the room, of course). the self deception was over; it was indeed one of those feared and hated antagonists, and i had to get rid of it. i admit that i was tempted at first to ignore it and pretend it wasn't here, hoping it would extend me the same courtesy. and if i was home alone, that's probably what i would have done (i have this phobic certainty that anytime i try to kill this type of insect it'll fly up from wherever it is perched, land on and sting me). but i couldn't take the risk that it'd fly down the hall to my baby girl's bedroom and sting her. mama bear had some protecting to do.

i wanted to go pick up my cell phone, call my husband, and ask him to come kill it for me. but since i knew that would only get me laughed at (and probably a husbandly speech about how i'm a big girl and can do it myself), i decided to take matters into my own hands.

so i grabbed one of my husband's shoes (they're heavier than mine) and...threw it.

yeah, that was my first tactic. at once classy and childish, i know (note to self: get the scruff marks off the closet and front doors before moving day). ok, it was my first, second, and third tactics. the third time i think i winged the little guy, because he started buzzing around pretty sporadically. then i knew it was go-time. i had to move in for the kill and actually hold on to the shoe while i hit him. which i did. several times. even after he was disentegrated.

my adrenaline tends to get the better of me in these situations.

but he's dead and the house is (for now) safe.

i am woman, hear me roar. haha.

cheers!

my husband called yesterday and said when they had heard the news about michael jackson's death, one of the other sailors he's in submarine school with said, "why is everyone talking about it so much? he wasn't that big of a deal."

husband gave him something like the above look and said, "how old are you??"

the poor dumb kid was 18 or 19. the problem for him is that he only remembers the crazy michael. michael jackson the joke. the winner of poorest parent EVER award who named a kid "blanket" or something and then dangled him over a balcony. michael of the ambigious race (and even MORE vague facial structure).

to the rest of us, who remember mj when he was cute, black, and a good (ok, great) singer, it's almost shocking. michael who crooned "billie jean" and "beat it", created the most widely sold album in histroy, and introduced us to a dance we're still trying to copy in our bedrooms (it's ok, i admitted it and you can too). that's the michael our generation lost and is probably the one we'll all choose to remember.

disclaimer: i could not tell you the lyrics to any one complete michael jackson song. i'm not his greatest fan. i don't own any of his albums (though i might be picking up "thriller" in the next few days). i don't have any single songs of his on a mixed tape or cd. but even i know the king of pop just died.

crazy.

cheers!

when my husband left he took the toothpaste with him.

that sounds like the beginning of a country heartbreak ballad.

anyway.

obviously, since i'm a fan of healthy teeth and gums (you can thank my orthodontist for that- not a visit to that man's office went by without him showing me all kinds of pictures about how your teeth fall apart and come off in chunks with your braces if you don't brush regularly and eat all your vegetables. and possibly doing your homework and coming home by curfew had something to do with it, too. or was that santa? anyway...) i headed to the store to buy replacement toothpaste. i was out for errands already and figured it'd be a relatively quick operation- get in, grab the toothpaste, get out, get on with my day.

and then i walked into the toothpaste aisle.

they had more varieties of toothpaste than i have pairs of underwear (which is a bigger deal than it might sound like). rows and rows of toothpaste, toothpaste gel, toothpaste gel with mouthwash, whitening toothpaste, tartar control, enamel strengthening, toothpaste for dentures (denture paste?), toothpaste to reduce sensitivity, and variations/combinations of the above assaulted my vision. not to mention all the flavors- crest original, crest with scope, crest fresh mint, extreme mint, green mint, blue mint (i feel like i'm writing a dr. seuss), aquafresh original, aquafresh extreme citrus or mint or cinnamon (do they still make that? i don't think it was very popular)... i stood there in shock, wishing there was simply a tube labled "basic, ordinary toothpaste. tastes good, works good (whatever, they use improper grammar in advertising all the time). buy me!". no such luck. so i just grabbed one that wasn't for toddlers or old people and should taste relatively good (crest baking soda and peroxide whitening plus tartar control in fresh mint, in case you're interested).

then i thought, "hey- the toothbrushes are right here; it's probably time i get another one anyway. i'll pick one up while i'm at it."

not to be outdone by the toothpaste variety extravaganza, the toothbrushes were no less impressive in their scope and breadth of colors and features. it was like picking out a car, except cheaper and i probably won't get hit on when i use it (well, unless my husband is home when i brush my teeth.... ).

the thing is, i buy into all the options they tell me i need in a toothbrush. i should just get something with a handle and bristles, but i have to get the one with a blue line that wears down when it's time to get a new one and all different lengths of bristles that wrap around my teeth and stimulate my gums and a bendy neck to reach the wisdom teeth i got taken out when i was sixteen and a tongue scrubber on the backside of the head (who uses those, anyway? ok, i did when i got home and took the toothbrush out of the package. i was curious. also, it does massage my cheeks when i'm brushing; i don't know if that's helpful or not to my oral hygeine but it feels fun).

also, it smells like mint.

yes, my toothbrush is scented. i have no idea when that option became available, but the package says it's supposed to "enhance the brushing experience". ok.

i mainly picked it out because it's pink and that way my husband and i don't have to try and remember which is who's in the morning.

here's to living in a country where even your oral cleanliness presents many choices to be had in the marketplace.

cheers!