Tuesday, 16 June 2009

• Currently Head Case: Season 1 By Alexandra Wentworth, Steve Landesberg, Michelle Arthur, Ione Skye, Robert Seay see related

  oral fixation (or: "the addiction to choosing: ode to the free market")

  when my husband left he took the toothpaste with him.

  that sounds like the beginning of a country heartbreak ballad.

  

  anyway.

  obviously, since i'm a fan of healthy teeth and gums (you can thank my orthodontist for that- not a visit to that man's office went by without him showing me all kinds of pictures about how your teeth fall apart and come off in chunks with your braces if you don't brush regularly and eat all your vegetables. and possibly doing your homework and coming home by curfew had something to do with it, too. or was that santa? anyway...) i headed to the store to buy replacement toothpaste. i was out for errands already and figured it'd be a relatively quick operation- get in, grab the toothpaste, get out, get on with my day.

  and then i walked into the toothpaste aisle.

  they had more varieties of toothpaste than i have pairs of underwear (which is a bigger deal than it might sound like). rows and rows of toothpaste, toothpaste gel, toothpaste gel with mouthwash, whitening toothpaste, tartar control, enamel strengthening, toothpaste for dentures (denture paste?), toothpaste to reduce sensitivity, and variations/combinations of the above assaulted my vision. not to mention all the flavors- crest original, crest with scope, crest fresh mint, extreme mint, green mint, blue mint (i feel like i'm writing a dr. seuss), aquafresh original, aquafresh extreme citrus or mint or cinnamon (do they still make that? i don't think it was very popular)... i stood there in shock, wishing there was simply a tube labled "basic, ordinary toothpaste. tastes good, works good (whatever, they use improper grammar in advertising all the time). buy me!". no such luck. so i just grabbed one that wasn't for toddlers or old people and should taste relatively good (crest baking soda and peroxide whitening plus tartar control in fresh mint, in case you're interested).

  then i thought, "hey- the toothbrushes are right here; it's probably time i get another one anyway. i'll pick one up while i'm at it."

  not to be outdone by the toothpaste variety extravaganza, the toothbrushes were no less impressive in their scope and breadth of colors and features. it was like picking out a car, except cheaper and i probably won't get hit on when i use it (well, unless my husband is home when i brush my teeth.... ).

  the thing is, i buy into all the options they tell me i need in a toothbrush. i should just get something with a handle and bristles, but i have to get the one with a blue line that wears down when it's time to get a new one and all different lengths of bristles that wrap around my teeth and stimulate my gums and a bendy neck to reach the wisdom teeth i got taken out when i was sixteen and a tongue scrubber on the backside of the head (who uses those, anyway? ok, i did when i got home and took the toothbrush out of the package. i was curious. also, it does massage my cheeks when i'm brushing; i don't know if that's helpful or not to my oral hygeine but it feels fun).

  also, it smells like mint.

  yes, my toothbrush is scented. i have no idea when that option became available, but the package says it's supposed to "enhance the brushing experience". ok.

  i mainly picked it out because it's pink and that way my husband and i don't have to try and remember which is who's in the morning.

  here's to living in a country where even your oral cleanliness presents many choices to be had in the marketplace.

  cheers!

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