Sunday, 05 July 2009

• LB, warrior princess

  if you've read this post, you understand my feelings about winged, stinger-bearing insects such as bees, wasps, etc. (if you haven't read it, suffice it to say that i hate them. a lot. to put not too fine a point on it, they scare the hell out of me). this being the case, if one of those unfortunate creatures does somehow make it into our house i always respond by reminding my husband of the house rule: "he who has the cajones kills the bugs". this rule is steadfast and immutable- regardless of who discovers the bug (usually me) or what he's doing when said bug makes its presence known. at least, so far as i'm concerned. he doesn't usually protest (except that one time when i woke him up at midnight to kill a very threatening cockroach), and when he does i simply remind him that i shall have plenty of opportunity to seek and destroy bugs on my own while he's gone on various naval duties, so he should have to take over the entire bug detail while he is here (although i did, in fact, end up killing that particular cockroach myself).

  well, as you probably are all aware, we are currently apart (but only until later this week!! ), which means bugs are currently my department.

  just my luck, then, that when i was taking out the trash earlier this evening a wasp (who must have recognized that the regular exterminator was nowhere to be seen) zoomed into the house and did what all flying bugs do as soon as they enter a dwelling- start looking for a way out, buzzing at all the doors, windows, and light fixtures until they find a crack big enough to escape through (which seems to me to make it pretty redundant to enter a building to begin with, but i digress). at first, i denied to myself that it was a wasp (or yellowjacket, or whatever it was. to be honest i wasn't overly concerned as to what precise species or family or whatever it belonged to). i told myself it was probably just a big mosquito. and then it held still long enough for me to get a fairly good look at it (from across the room, of course). the self deception was over; it was indeed one of those feared and hated antagonists, and i had to get rid of it. i admit that i was tempted at first to ignore it and pretend it wasn't here, hoping it would extend me the same courtesy. and if i was home alone, that's probably what i would have done (i have this phobic certainty that anytime i try to kill this type of insect it'll fly up from wherever it is perched, land on and sting me). but i couldn't take the risk that it'd fly down the hall to my baby girl's bedroom and sting her. mama bear had some protecting to do.

  i wanted to go pick up my cell phone, call my husband, and ask him to come kill it for me. but since i knew that would only get me laughed at (and probably a husbandly speech about how i'm a big girl and can do it myself), i decided to take matters into my own hands.

  so i grabbed one of my husband's shoes (they're heavier than mine) and...threw it.

  yeah, that was my first tactic. at once classy and childish, i know (note to self: get the scruff marks off the closet and front doors before moving day). ok, it was my first, second, and third tactics. the third time i think i winged the little guy, because he started buzzing around pretty sporadically. then i knew it was go-time. i had to move in for the kill and actually hold on to the shoe while i hit him. which i did. several times. even after he was disentegrated.

  my adrenaline tends to get the better of me in these situations.

  but he's dead and the house is (for now) safe.

  i am woman, hear me roar. haha.

  cheers!

   

  • 11:53 PM
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